Premise | Uncontrollable Script
17:41
This new script is a bit of a departure from my original idea and is incorporating a lot more of Phil's feedback in regards to making the animation more in the vein of 'Duck Amuck' which has been a big influence. With these changes, the animation will be more entertaining and significantly less preachy/intrusive, instead allowing the same message to be told while remaining light and fun.
This animation will demonstrate the strength of women both inside and out of Hollywood, with the Protagonist representing women versus the Voice-Over acting as the controlling rulers of cinema who, even still, make choices with female characters to appeal to the male gaze.
This animation will demonstrate the strength of women both inside and out of Hollywood, with the Protagonist representing women versus the Voice-Over acting as the controlling rulers of cinema who, even still, make choices with female characters to appeal to the male gaze.
All of the concept art that I've created so far can be transferred directly into the new story as the art style will remain the same, except I will now be designing costumes for the characters to make them more recognisable as existing movie characters.
I feel that the Mulan scene could be reworked to flow better as it currently doesn't feel as impactful as the others. I also think the V/O's dialogue will need some editing here and there to make it feel less static and forced, perhaps even removing it entirely.
From here, I will start designing costumes for the characters and new environments, as well as finalising existing concepts. I will then work on a storyboard, incorporating all feedback on this script, and get in contact with voice actors.
I would appreciate any and all feedback.
Duck Amuck
The Matrix - Lobby Scene
Kill Bill - Vernita Fight Scene
Mad Max: Fury Road - Immortan Joe's Death
Aliens - Alien Queen's Death
2 comments
Okay Michael, I have read your script and overall you structure seems fine (with perhaps a few minor tweaks). However, my gut reaction is that your narrator character is perhaps a bit too directly sexist - He's a bit on the nose. The other thing I would suggest doing is to ask a woman to read your script...Would they find your choice of hero's appropriate...is Trinity in the Matrix fight another piece of male fantasy or is it something women actually identify with.
ReplyDeleteI was unsure of the narrator too and was thinking about removing him entirely, hopefully creating a dialogue told similarly to Duck Amuck. What do you think?
DeleteAnd I'll definitely spread the script around and get others to give their own critique