Camera shows an advertisement for a play, hammered into a
wall, which only portrays the leading woman
Cuts to close-up of the woman’s face. Camera draws back to
show her lying dead on the floor (hair matted with blood) and a bloodied
bludgeon beside her
Cuts to younger woman running out of the room and slamming
door shut behind her. Close-up of her snapping a padlock shut on the door’s
lock
Cuts to OTS shot from the detectives’ perspective of the
young woman performing on-stage (he is sat very close to the stage which is
slightly raised)
CU side-on of detective looking down at a flyer which shows
the murdered woman as the lead role.
ECU side-on of the detective looking back
up at the stage quizzically
ECU of blood splatters on the actress’ ankle
Detective stands suddenly
Cuts to detective walking backstage, past the lead actress’s
door and entering the understudy’s dressing room
ECU of silver key as detective walks over to it
CU of detective pulling key up to eye-level
Cuts to a long hallway with an old door at the end (looks as
though it is never used) and detective peaks his head round a corner, looking either side down the hallway then noticing the door.
Detective quickly
walks out and towards the door
ECU of detective putting key in padlock which clicks open
CU of the dead woman with the door opening in the background
as the detective sees the body
Cut to black
Camera
pans from notice board full of newspaper clippings to Bennett
Bennett hears about latest
murder and goes to the Andromeda Theatre
Bennett enters theatre and walks down the aisle to the dead body
Bennett
notices the number ‘7’ drawn on the victims’ chest and a padlock pierced
through the skin, then checks the back which has ‘Pl.’ inscribed
Bennett
talks to himself as he leaves the theatre and remembers Frank Kinney said he
would help
Cuts
to
the morgue as Kinney is reading the last of the padlocks
Bennett writes ‘g7nKis’
then draws a line through it.
Then he checks the morgue ledger and rewrites ‘7 Kings’ before adding ‘Pl.’
Cuts
to Bennett stepping out of Hansom Cab then pans up to Locksmith’s Shop
Bennett walks up the steps and puts his hand on the door
Screen
jumps to black
Bell above the door can be heard ringing,
and then the door shuts loudly
*camera shows notice board filled with newspaper clippings, then pans to Bennett putting latest murder file into cold case folder*
Joseph Kane informs Bennett of the
latest murder which took place at the Andromeda Theatre
Bennett hurriedly throws his coat
and scarf on
Bennett arrives at the Andromeda
with police standing guard around the entrance and enters
He steps into the theatre, holding the door open
for the leaving 3 Police Detectives (who give him disgusted and quizzical looks
as they pass)
Bennett walks down the aisle to the dead body
Bennett takes off his coat and scarf,
laying them over a chair on the other side of the aisle, then turns back to the
body while pulling up his shirt sleeves past his elbows. He lowers his body to
get a better look at the victim who is slouched in the chair, with his head
leant over the back
Bennett notices a silver padlock
pierced through the flesh on the man’s chest
Bennett pulls on black gloves and
gently moves the padlock to see the back
Bennett pulls a pad and pencil out
of his breast pocket and jots down the number ‘7’
Bennett throws his coat back on and
rushes to the lobby
Bennett uses a telephone and calls Kane
Kane picks up
Bennett asks for info on the other padlock inscriptions
Kane flicks through files and tells Bennett to visit Frank Kinney, the Pathologist
Bennett “You think he’ll help?”
Kane “I’m sure. He seems to have
taken a bit of a shine to you”
*cuts to Kinney reading last padlock in morgue*
Bennett writes 'gPnKl.is'
Bennett reads morgue ledger who writes letters again in correct order: 'Kings Pl.' then adds '7'
Bennett looks at locksmiths shop
He calmly walks up the few steps,
stops for a moment and puts his hand on the door
*screen jumps to black*
The bell above the door can be heard ringing, and then the door shuts loudly
1906 | London
Private Detective James Bennett, 24 (long black wool coat (or suit
jacket), mid-tone red scarf, white shirt, dark grey waistcoat, dark grey suit
trousers, navy blue tie, mahogany leather shoes, average height and slim,
slightly pale with rather pink cheeks, short black hair with a curled fringe,
neat black eyebrows, hazel eyes, strong nose, full lips, smooth slightly
indented cheeks, strong wide jaw, wears timepiece in vest pocket)
Private Detective Joseph Kane, Bennett’s mentor, 53 (wooden crutch,
charcoal suit jacket, white shirt, charcoal waistcoat, charcoal suit trousers,
black tie, black slip-on shoes, short and stocky, red-faced, thick grey hair
that doesn’t quite lay flat, bushy dark grey eyebrows, brown eyes, weak/flat
yet wide nose, small mouth, round-faced, short and fat fingers, relatively
small eyes, large grey moustache which curls at either end)
Frank Kinney, Pathologist, 55 (white shirt (rolled up sleeves), navy
blue waistcoat, navy blue suit trousers, plain mid-dark-toned purple tie, small
spectacles (worn at the end of the nose), black slip-on shoes, tall and sinewy,
pale, swept back dark brown greying hair, naturally neat dark eyebrows, dark
brown eyes, a relatively large/long nose, small mouth with pursed lips, angular
cheekbones, long bony fingers)
Kinney works in the police morgue
but helps Bennett when he can. Worked with Kane in the past and got to know
Bennett whom he took a shine to.
Bennett hurriedly throws his coat and scarf on before walking hurriedly but it stopped by Kane who warns him to not let this killer get away just as Bennett’s first case did.
Bennett arrives at the Andromeda with police standing guard around the entrance
Bennett enters without need to inform them of his position
Walks into a bright chandeliered lobby and past the entrance counter (which is backed by a wall that has openings at either end) and then steps into the theatre, holding the door open for the leaving 3 Police Detectives (who give him disgusted and quizzical looks as they pass)
Bennett walks to the aisle to the approximate centre of the theatre where the dead body is
Bennett takes off his coat and scarf, laying them over a chair on the other side of the aisle, then turns back to the body while pulling up his shirt sleeves past his elbows.
He lowers his body to
get a better look at the victim who is slouched in the chair, with his head
leant over the back
Bennett notices a silver padlock pierced through the flesh on the man’s chest
Bennett pulls on black gloves and gently moves the padlock to see the back
Bennett pulls a pad and pencil out of his breast pocket and jots down the number ‘7’
Bennett throws his coat back on and rushes out of the theatre
He arrives back at his offices and quickly flicks through the previous murder files
Kane limps over to the door to Bennett’s office and asks “Found anything new?”
Bennett “Do we have any files on the inscriptions found on the back of the padlocks?”
Kane “I’m not sure. If they’re not in there…” nods over to case file “… go make a visit down to Frank Kinney. He’ll still have everything down there”
Bennett “You think he’ll help?”
Kane “I’m sure. He seems to have taken a bit of a shine to you”
Bennet leaves his office
*cuts to Kinney pulling the last body out of refrigeration unit*
Kinney opened all body bags related to case and leans in closer while muttering
Bennett checks each padlock and jots down letters – ‘g P n K l. i s’ – then shows Kinney, asking what it means
Kinney wonders why P and K are capitals and why l. has a full stop
Bennett asks what order the bodies came in
Kinney checks ledger and reads the peoples’ names out in order while Bennett writes each letter correctly – ‘KingsPl.’
Bennett realises it’s a street name located in Central London and links it to the latest clue: ‘7’
Bennett immediately leaves after thanking Kinney
Bennett jumps into a Hansom Cab and says where to go (dawn)
Bennett arrives at Kings Place and pulls up at number 7
Bennett stops in front of the locksmiths shop and smirks
He calmly walks up the few steps, stops for a moment and puts his hand on the door
*screen jumps to black*
The bell above the door can be heard ringing, and then the door shuts loudly
I definitely need to cut all of this down for it to be under two minutes. I'll most likely do this by cutting out so much dialogue and instead having Bennett work more out on his own. I may also have more jump cuts between locations as opposed to showing characters entering and leaving as quickening the pace this way may also create a better viewing experience.
James Bennett, a young Private
Detective, must catch the notorious serial murderer; ‘The Padlock Killer’
before he strikes again. The similarities between this case and his first,
which he failed, act as an impassable mental wall, causing Bennett to use
everything in his arsenal to bring the madman to justice.
A
young Private Detective is reminded of his first failure as he follows hot on
the trail of notorious serial murderer: ‘The Padlock Killer’.
I found that the best way to explain this idea without going through the story step-by-step was to write it as a Logline:
James Bennett, a young Private
Detective, must catch the notorious serial murderer; ‘The Padlock Killer’
before he strikes again. The similarities between this case and his first,
which he failed, act as an impassable mental wall, causing Bennett to use
everything in his arsenal to bring the madman to justice.
The killer uses a padlock as his signature, either attaching it to his victims in some way or piercing it through their skin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm not too sure how I'd go about ending it, though. I feel that to fit it into a 2 minute animation, it might be a good idea to end it with the detective just having pieced the clues together and, with a gasp and perhaps a click of the fingers, the screen jumps to black. Although would that be a bit of a disappointing point to end it?
I also think that it being similar to his first failed case may not be enough of a reason for the viewers to side with him. Should the case instead link to something more personal and if so, what?
On top of that, I'm not too sure what evidence he could discover that helps him figure out the case. I'm currently thinking that each of the victims' padlocks had something inscribed on them as the killer wanted to be found, and the inscriptions only made sense when pieced together with the latest padlock, but I'm not sure what could be inscribed on them. If you guys have any other ideas on the evidence, let me know :)
1
2
3
1 - I thought this image looked lonely and dark, and could imagine it pulsing lightly with the sound reverberating in the emptiness around it. I also feel that a slight hum from a light or another electrical appliance might work well as an auditory aspect to the brightness of the object.
2 - The second image reminds me a lot of a mixture between a deep-sea jellyfish and a human cell, causing me to imagine some underwater sounds with some bubbling and pulsing as well as a deep, yet somewhat faint heartbeat-like sound.
3 - The final image looks very natural to me, almost like windswept grass on a flat plain, which instantly made me think of the Mongolian Steppes. For this, I imagine grass blowing in the wind as well as other natural sounds (maybe birds tweeting, grasshoppers, a running river?).
I need to add more aspects to each of these to create more interest and less monotony. I expect I'll discover a fair amount while exploring and editing what I record but any input would help a lot
Private Detective
Theatre
Padlock